I love the Olympics. If they had a 24-hour Olympics channel, I’d have it. Maybe I already do, since I’m sitting here at 2am watching women’s field hockey. To be honest, I didn’t even know we had a women’s field hockey team. To be even more honest, I didn’t even know what the sport of field hockey was until about 5 minutes ago. But I do know that, according to the commentator, this is a “must win game” for the US… whatever that means. This game appears to be very similar to hockey, but played on a field… I imagine that’s why it’s called “Field Hockey”. But to be clear, it’s not lacrosse. You can’t pick up the ball. Actually it looks like the game we used to play at church. We’d get some youth and clear out the old auditorium, put up a couple goals, get some hockey sticks, and a hard plastic ball, and go at it. If I remember correctly, I was pretty good at it, but of course my memory is not as good as it used to be, if I remember how good my memory used to be. Which brings me to the topic of this post. I’ve been asking myself, if I really wanted an Olympic medal, which sport would I have the best shot at winning one? I remember when I was a kid, I planned on playing baseball in the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea. I was only 16 at the time, so I guess I was too young. I considered a few others. I’m a pretty good swimmer, but I don’t really have that Michael Phelps body type. Field hockey would be a pretty good choice, not because I’m that great at it, but rather since hardly anybody even knows it exists, I would only have to beat out the few people that have heard of it. Unfortunately, I missed the announcement of the Field Hockey tryouts for this Olympics. Maybe archery, but then I’m not very good at being still.

But then I figured it out. I’ve got my sport. And this is one of those sports that I ask Who was the genius that first said, “Hey, why can’t this be an Olympic sport?” Synchronized Diving. And then who was the other genius that actually answered, “Sure, whatever.” We’ve all seen the ladies doing the synchronized swimming, and it’s OK and all. At least it looks cool. But I’m guessing that’s restricted to the ladies. But just my luck, synchronized diving is open to men! After watching some synchronized diving tonight, and I’m pretty sure that this is my shot. The object is to have 2 guys jump off a diving board, while doing the exact same thing. There doesn’t seem to be near as much importance placed on actually nailing the dive as there is on doing it just like your partner. Here’s how strange this sport is… It’s OK to screw up a dive, as long as your partner screws up in the same way! So I’m thinking if I can find somebody that can do a cannonball as well as me, I’m in. The other reason I’m sold on this sport is that the American team this year is terrible. I was just watching them. They attempted a flip and twist, and I swear it looked like they were doing 2 totally different dives. The crowd gasped. The American commentators were so embarrassed they didn’t know what to say, other than, “That was not good.” No duh. They showed it in slow motion and one guy is vertical while the other guy is horizontal, and then one guy hits the water about a eon before the other guy. What made it even worse was that the Chinese team went next and they did the same dive (at least the same dive as one of the Americans) and it was beautiful, like watching Parent Trap.

So… of course I will need a partner. If anybody would like to join me in my Olympic pursuit, please leave a comment. Keep in mind that it always looks nicer when the 2 divers have the same body type, shape, and skin tone. So that kind of limits it to pasty white, Buddha shaped guys with a farmers tan. Oh yeah, and you will have to wear to a speedo… you know, less friction on entry. First come, first served, so don’t think about it too long.